Who’s on your team? Do you have people you can reach out to when the going gets tough?
If you’re planning a career change, you’ve got to get a supportive tribe around you. You probably wouldn’t try and organise a wedding all by yourself and a career change is potentially a far more complex and challenging project.
One of the fundamental principles of the organisation I work with, Careershifters, is “don’t do it alone”, and building community around career change is at the very core of their strategy. One of the reasons for this is that career change isn’t easy - and it’s ten times harder if you insist on putting up the defences and trying to do it all by yourself.
Why do we need a career change crew?
Going through a big transition with all the twists and turns along the way can be emotionally hard-going, so you need those cheerleaders and confidantes to turn to when the going gets tough. It’s also difficult sometimes to see our own strengths or the value we bring to the world without someone else holding up a mirror (think how easy it is to list all the good qualities of a close friend - how many of them do you think they’d see in themselves without the prompt?). Your tribe can also give you access to connections and ideas for your career change that you just wouldn’t have access to by yourself.
At Careershifters, we’ve just started another of our eight-week career change journeys (the Launch Pad) and I’m loving seeing the love and support going on in our secret Facebook group already. Just a few days into the course and already complete strangers are opening up to each other about their fears and doubts about career change and jumping to respond to each others’ updates with suggestions and messages of solidarity. The trouble is, when you’re not part of a defined group like that, it can be very difficult to reach out for help. It’s not something we’re generally very well-trained to do and can bring up a huge raft of awkwardness and self-doubt.
The challenges of reaching out
This has come up for me personally in relation to my own impending parenthood. The idea of having a baby brings up so many questions – Where do we live? Who do we need to be close to? Who can we rely on when the going (inevitably) gets tough?
I’m lucky in that I have a lovely supportive partner and that we both have flexible jobs so can share the parenting duties, but I know I’m going to need so many more people’s love and support, especially when he is on one of his many work trips to Asia. And yet, it can be very hard to let people know this. There’s a fear of being vulnerable, of people thinking you can’t cope. There’s also a real awkwardness around imposing yourself on others. Earlier this week, a client shared with me she hates to feel she’s taking up other people’s time – such a common anxiety that can very often hold us back from reaching out.
And yet, according to Social Psychologist Heidi Grant, who wrote the book - Reinforcements: How To Get People to Help You – we often massively underestimate how much people are willing to help us. Blocked by a fear of rejection, we don’t give people the chance to prove us wrong. We may also be held back by having been turned down in the past, despite the fact that Grant’s research shows that those who have previously rejected us are actually even more likely than others to say ‘yes’ next time (because they often regret not helping out the first time!)
How to get people on your team
So how do you go about getting over these fears so that you can start gathering your career change support crew? Here are some suggestions:
Decide who’s in your ideal tribe
My friend Sarah did this recently when organising World Dance Day in London (as I speak about in an earlier post). Faced with the pressures of organising a large scale event like this, she consciously sat down and determined who were the people she would love to have in her perfect team –people who she knew would bring positive energy and be supportive of her on the day. She then reached out to them and asked them if they could offer any support, however small – something I know she didn’t find particularly easy. The response though was overwhelming! Rather than seeing it as an inconvenience, we (I was one of the chosen ones!) felt really flattered and delighted to be able to help someone we care about. The thing is, if she hadn’t asked, we’d never have known that was a possibility.
Come out of the closet
If people are going to be able to help you, they have to know you are planning a career change. You might feel very vulnerable about “coming out” as a career changer, maybe worrying that others will think you’re crazy and judge you for wanting something different, or fearing that you might tell the world and then fall flat on your face. These fears are very normal, but don’t normally have a basis in reality – remember that you’re likely to be SO much more critical of yourself than anyone ever will be of you. And even if people DO judge you – what does it really matter? People are often caught up in their own fears, assumptions and insecurities, but it’s not your business to worry about that – you only need to be concerned with pursuing your own career happiness. And I can bet you’ll discover a lot more support than you expect for your “crazy idea” of making a shift.
Be real and be clear about what you want
We generally respond well to authenticity so, when you’re reaching out to others, remember to be real about where you’re at and don’t worry about trying to put on a show of strength. If you pretend to be ‘doing just fine all by yourself’, how can your friends and family rally round and offer their support? Sometimes people feel that they have to get it all sorted out in their head first before they can let others know they’re planning a career change.
The trouble is, that’s the wrong way around – it’s very hard to get to that clarity without the help of other people – you just won’t solve the problem locked away by yourself in your bedroom! If you’re clueless about what the next stage of your life has in store, be honest. If there are a few hazy ideas flying about in your brain – let people know and maybe they can help with suggestions or even contacts. If you know what you want from someone e.g. a conversation about what they do for a living – be clear and specific with them. It’s easier to agree to a 20 minutes phone call than a very general call for help.
And remember, above all, that just because something feels difficult or awkward, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it. In fact, it probably means that’s exactly what you should be doing! As I said at the start, we’re often not very used to asking people for help, so it can just be something we need to get a bit of practice on. As with many aspects of career change, it’s a good idea to start small (reaching out to someone close to you) and work upwards (sending out an email to 20 people you know looking for ideas, support and suggestions). And when people have offered to help, obviously you’ll want to follow up, keep in touch with them and show them you appreciate them. People really are amazing, we just have to give them the opportunity!
As for me, I’d love to be in your career change crew, so feel free to get in touch for a free 30 minute career consultation where we can talk about where you’re at and what your next steps could be. Email me on – contact@annalevycoaching.com – to arrange.