If you actively seek out happiness, you’re less likely to get it.
It’s a tricky dilemma, right? We all want to be happy, but research shows that the more we value happiness and the more we chase it, the less statistically likely we are to be happy.
This is especially true in individualist societies like the UK where I live. We tell ourselves, I’ll be happy WHEN… e.g. I finally buy a house / find the perfect romantic partner / get a new job, but we’re actually generally pretty bad at predicting what will genuinely make us happy, and as psychologist Iris Mauss says in a recent episode of the Hidden Brain podcast:
“The more we strive for the goal of happiness the more we undermine our ability to get there”.
Here are my takeaways of the key points Mauss made about this happiness paradox and what we can do about it - and also how you might apply them in a work context:
Seek “flow”, not happiness. When we are fully immersed in a task and in a state of flow, research shows we are happier, specifically because we are less aware of ourselves in that moment (a kind of “ego dissolution”). When are you “in flow” in your work, and how might you find ways to do more of this kind of activity?
Connect! Research shows that the more people interpret happiness as a social thing, the more this is associated with higher levels of wellbeing. Does your career offer enough opportunities to be social and to connect with others? If not, how can you factor more of that in on a regular basis? Perhaps, if you do hybrid working, it’s about making the effort to go into the office more frequently, or to spark up conversations when you’re there. As someone who predominantly works alone at home, I’ve recently found that coworking with others and forcing myself out to networking events and evening classes has given my wellbeing a huge boost.
Accept your emotions. Those who resist negative emotions and put a label on them as “bad” are more likely to be unhappy. It helps to see our feelings as passing clouds in the sky, to be observed as they move through us, rather than changed or resisted. How much time are you spending fighting negative feelings about work and falling into negative spirals of self blame or self pity? What if you just accepted the feelings (knowing this doesn’t mean accepting the situation), and what energy might that free up to actually take action on the things that need to change?
Focus on contribution, not consumption. When we are less focused on our own happiness and more on what we can create or contribute, our ego gets out of the way and we can enjoy the journey. If you saw work as a contribution rather than a channel for happiness or identity, how might that change how you felt about it? What might you do differently?
On that last point, I’ll leave you with this brilliant quote by the 19thc British politician and philosopher John Stuart Mill:
“Those only are happy (I thought) who have their minds fixed on some object other than their own happiness; on the happiness of others, on the improvement of mankind, even on some art or pursuit, followed not as a means, but as itself an ideal end. Aiming thus at something else, they find happiness by the way.”
Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash