Toxic employers have a LOT to answer for...

Every day, I'm speaking to people who...

... have become physically sick because of work.
... are being kept awake at night with worry.
... have zero social life anymore.
... have lost touch with themselves and what they like.
... are feeling like they're failing those around them.

Some of the ways they say work is triggering these symptoms include:

🙁 Unrealistic expectations about what can be achieved.
🙁 Zero autonomy or flexibility in how they can get the work done.
🙁 Bullying behaviour from colleagues.
🙁 Unsupportive line managers.
🙁 Blame culture and even, in some cases, ritual humiliation of those who don't measure up.

Despite hearing these stories on a daily basis, I continue to be shocked at how employees are treated and what they feel they need to put up with to keep their jobs.

Life is beautiful and precious. A career has the capacity to feel joyful and a profound contribution.

If you're experiencing any of this at work, it's NOT OKAY. I understand the many reasons you may feel trapped right now, but I want to say, you don't have to take this.

What would you think if you found out I was an AI?

Would it matter to you? Would it change how you felt about my posts or my coaching?

Like so many of the professionals I’m speaking with at the moment, across a whole range of industries, I’ve had the odd moment of panic about the rise of AI and what it means for my job.

In the future, are people going to be hiring chatbots as coaches and looking to AI for guidance in their career changes?

On the one level, I see the benefits to society of democratising coaching and making it more financially viable for more people. On the other hand - selfishly - I love my job and would be so sad if it became obsolete!

Research shows that when people are engaging with an AI – BUT DON’T KNOW IT’S AN AI – they rate it more highly than a human on qualities like empathy and feeling heard. However, as soon as they know it’s a bot, they change their mind! 

This data potentially hints at something that isn’t just encouraging for my future job prospects, but potentially for the future of humanity…

… as humans we really value hanging out with other humans!

I see it in my clients that one of the things they most value from the coaching partnership is a chance to share their experiences with another human and to know they aren’t going through their career shift on their own. I can’t tell you the amount of times that a client finishes a session saying something along the lines of: “I feel so much more hopeful and energised now!” 

Would they feel the same after an interaction with a chat bot?

To me, that seems unlikely. Human connection is so deeply and evolutionarily ingrained in us as a primal need and source of energy. 

I would love to hear your thoughts. Would you consider taking on an AI coach to help you with your career change? Would that negate the need for human support?

Are you in the "Thank f**k it's Friday" crew?

I used to feel such a sense of RELIEF on Fridays.

Relief that I’d made it through another week.

Relief that there were two whole days ahead of me where I could be myself.

Relief that I would be getting out of the office that made me feel so stifled.

Counting the days to the weekend is wishing your life away. Sacrificing 5 of the 7 days of the week to something that, at best, you don’t believe in and, at worst, is killing your soul, isn’t worth it.

And yet, there millions of people doing just this. A staggering 90% of employees in the UK are either not engaged or actively disengaged in their work!

There are countless people here on LinkedIn right now who are feeling that sense of exhausted relief to have made it to the weekend.

Maybe you’re one of them. Trudging through the week to get to the weekend, which then whistles past in a blur before you find yourself – too soon - feeling the “Sunday Scaries” again.

 This quote from the Color Purple by Alice Walker may resonate:

“Time moves slowly, but passes quickly.”

Don’t let your life pass you by. Do something, however small, this weekend to start walking a new direction.

 (Book in a for a free consultation with me if you aren’t sure where to start.)

Photo by Sincerely Media on Unsplash 

Cultivating active optimism

These times are troubling and uncertain. There is so much to feed our fatalism and despair. Yet, it’s at times like these that we need to cultivate hope – to be actively optimistic.

If we believe there’s no hope, we tend to….

… retreat into our shells

… isolate ourselves

… stop trying. 

Whether we are talking about big global challenges like climate change or war, or personal struggles for a more fulfilling life, pessimism becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

Active optimism means rolling up our sleeves and working towards the future we want.

It means believing we can create the life and the world we want.

As Melinda Gates has said:

Optimism isn't a belief that things will automatically get better; it's a conviction that we can make things better.”

I’ve recently signed up to Action for Happiness’ Optimistic October, where we are sent a daily challenge. Today’s is:

Find something to be optimistic about (even if it’s a difficult time”.

I’m optimistic at the moment about Kamala Harris and her bid to become the first female President of the United States. It’s going to be an unbelievably tight contest, but whenever I hear her speak, her feminine strength, warmth and positivity gives me cause for hope.

What are you going to choose to be optimistic about today?

(For all my Jewish friends, Shana Tovah for tomorrow. Wishing you all, Jews and non Jews, a sweet year, despite how worrying things can look right now.)

Photo by Ian Taylor on Unsplash

5 steps to find a fulfilling new career

1. Work out what fulfilling means to you.

   What are your values, the things that are most important to you and that you stand by? If you aren’t sure, it can help to think about times in your life you’ve felt most fulfilled and authentically you, and what values were being honoured at the time? Who do you admire and, on the flip side, what kind of people irritate you - and which of your values might they be transgressing? What are the causes that you care about? What gives you energy? One helpful question you might ask yourself is: “at the end of my life looking backwards, what would most matter? What would make me proud to have contributed or accomplished?”

2. Step outside your “reality bubble”.

   Through no fault of our own, we all exist in a limited bubble – the people and organisations we know, the places we go, the careers we are aware of. To start seeing new possibilities, you need to get out of that bubble: volunteer in spaces that matter to you, do short courses to build on the skills and knowledge you have and enjoy, go to events where you’re likely to be around your ‘tribe’, people who care about the same things as you. If you have no idea yet what matters to you, this step is especially important and is best approached with pure open-minded curiosity.

3. Chat with as many of those people as you can about their work

   Whose jobs are you curious about? Who might be working in organisations and industries that sound exciting, or even just people who seem to really love and get meaning from what they do? Don’t get too bogged down with talking to the “right” people. You’ll get value from every conversation you have: allow yourself the opportunity to be delightfully surprised by what you find out.

4. Test drive your ideas.

   Once you have a handful of possibilities that seem interesting and feel like they have potential, try them out so you can get a sense of the reality and find out whether they’re going to work for you. How can you “get your hands dirty” with minimal risk? Can you do work shadowing or volunteering? Can you have a go at it in a small way? If you aren’t sure, then ask the contacts you’ve made in this area: “How might someone like me start experiencing this work for themselves?”

5. Build up your career capital.

   When you know the fulfilling career or careers that you want to move into, start building your bank of evidence for your interest and capacity to do the job. Take on small projects, offer your skills for free or low cost, help out a contact in the area, anything that will help you construct an “unofficial CV/resume” that you can talk about to potential employers or clients.

If you’d like help with any of this, or know someone who might benefit, don’t hesitate to get in touch!

Have you been fantasising about quitting your job?

Should you just do it TODAY? 

Maybe you’re frustrated by a difficult boss, feeling trapped in work that is boring or stressful or even BOTH, panicking that your life is slipping away from you and feeling like you can’t do it for one day longer.The thing is, tempting though it can be to storm out the door in a dramatic flourish, it’s usually not the best idea.

Beyond all the obvious stuff about burnt bridges and references, leaving with nothing else lined up can create a real headache for yourself and – perhaps counter-intuitively – potentially delay your career change even further.

It’s easy, when you’re in the thick of it, to imagine if you could just leave the current job, you’d have so much energy, time and headspace to focus on your shift.

In fact, what I have seen many times with clients I’ve worked with over the years, those who give into temptation end up with a whole load of new problems they hadn’t anticipated. These can include:

Money worries: Regardless of how much you’ve saved up to tide you over for a situation like this, the reality of having zero pay checks coming into your account each month can create a huge amount of pressure. Career change takes time and requires an open and curious mindset, which is hard when you feel that kind of urgency, however imminent the need to start making money is.

Lack of routine: When you’re super busy, the promise of an empty diary looks really appealing, but  - in reality - suddenly finding yourself with no structure and only yourself to be accountable to can make it even harder to get into action. Leaving the social connections behind from your existing role can also put you in quite a lonely and isolated place, which can be a challenge to energy levels, especially if you’re an extrovert.

Loss of identity and confidence: So often, I see previously self-assured and clearly talented, capable people suffer a huge blow to their self-esteem when removed from the professional identity and workplace life they’re become used to. So much of our sense of self-worth, for better or worse, is tied up in our jobs, and a lack of direction can create feelings of shame and worthlessness.

Each of these can be barriers to career change, whether from the ability to be open and curious, or the lack of momentum and drive, to the energy sap of struggling with your inner gremlins.I’m not saying don’t do it – for some situations, you just need to get the hell out.

Pre-empting some of this stuff means you can go into it with your eyes open and plan how you’ll overcome the obstacles, whether that’s working out a daily routine or getting some external support in place to help you maintain a positive mindset.If you’re thinking of quitting your job today and want a sounding board before you jump ship, just get in touch. I’m happy to chat and help you weigh up the pros and cons.